She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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