Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
