I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
