So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
