Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
