$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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