I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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