watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
