you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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