he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
