i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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