sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
