Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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