Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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