I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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