Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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