My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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