I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
