I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
