One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
