i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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