We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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