You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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