these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
