I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The beer is more important than you right now.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
