just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
