I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
