i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize