I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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