grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
