There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Randomize
