id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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