Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
