i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
operation have a gay friend backfired
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I will pee on everything he values.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
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