I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
