Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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