how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
