i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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