Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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