I'm going to jail i love you
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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