wat bout pragnant strippers??
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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