; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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