Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
