Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
