on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
