Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
