My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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