No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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