just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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