so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I met the friendliest cop last night
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
