also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
4 words: hood of his car
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
