I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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